grudges mean never saying you’re sorry

okay. so this is the deal. if someone holds a grudge for say like 9 years and then… then… decides to tell you that you hurt them back in… say 01′ — whatdya say to that? and while i’m on this, what i realized, in my infinite wisdom is that if you don’t tell someone how you feel, that they’ve hurt you, that they’ve ripped your heart out with their tongue… if you don’t tell someone, then you’re not giving them an opportunity to apologize, or defend themselves, or their opinion, or take a stand, or stand up for themselves. you’re just letting shit fester (or is it festor? i never know with spelling, or is it cousin fester from the addams family … i know, i digress) but this makes me wonder:
if we don’t tell someone how we feel about something, that what they did hurts us, offends us, bothers us, pains us … then really we’re not giving them a chance to say i’m sorry.

although, i’m so fucking perfect, i haven’t a clue what i’m talking about.

Category: Relationships 5 comments »

5 Responses to “grudges mean never saying you’re sorry”

Char
July 16th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Cousin Festor from the Addams Family – LOL – I like that! Oh God, if we let shit fester is that who we’ll end up looking like? Wouldn’t that be funny! No one would let shit fester if that were true. Remember when your mom used to tell you “you’re face will freeze like that” when you made a funny face? At least mine did, don’t know about anyone else.
Martha
July 16th, 2009 at 5:26 am
So many times I’ve failed to tell someone when they’ve hurt me or pissed me off. And why? Because I don’t want to hurt their feelings (even though they’ve stomped on mine!?). I want to be “nice”. But it’s not nice- it’s cowardly and even kinda selfish.
But what do I know- it’s 5:22 AM and I’ve been awake over an hour and am careening wildly between self-doubt and deep wisdom.
andieeast
July 16th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Yeah, you have to let it out and tell people. Always. Unless you don’t want to be friends with them in which case you stop talking and you never mention it again. I’m not a fan of festering.
Char
July 16th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Wow, you’ve brought up a lot to think about.
Going back over the experiences of my life,
and trying to look at it from every angle
(because I’ve been on both sides of the
experience), I have varying thoughts…..
I’d have to ask these questions:

1. People get hurt for different reasons. Is
it because a) they care about you and what
you think; b) they have low-self esteem and
need others to love them. c) they are
prideful to a fault and easily offended by
others. These are some I can think of that I
have encountered either within myself or from
others. But it sounds to me as if this person
has a really big issue with you if they’ve
been holding on to a hurt for 9 years! Is
there a rivalry? A jealousy? that could have
contributed to this person holding this
against you for so long?

2. What is the person’s motivation for
bringing this up now? I can only see two.
Either, they can’t resolve what happened for
themselves and they really want to clear this
up because they care, OR they can’t resolve
it for themselves and they are still pissed
and want to hurt you back.

3. Is this person really a good friend I
want to keep in my life? Or, someone I can do
without? Do I really need to apologize for
their hurt feelings? Does their complaint
have genuine merit? Or, are they
over-reacting to what I did/said?

I guess, I think their is no standard answer.

Instead, you have to take into account the
entirety of relationship, circumstances and
the individual’s personality.

Okay, and the last question I really want to
ask is: Is this a family member? Usually,
they are the ones who hold on to hurts for an
entire lifetime!!!!!
Dirnov
July 18th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Hello,
marryinggeorgeclooney.com – da best. Keep it going!