Marrying George Clooney

see this is the thing — and i think you all know this about me now – i take ambien. i heart ambien, and i take xanax, and the occasional 5mg valium. and sometimes but not often if i’m feeling the pain, i’ll do a tramadol. i do. why lie? but here’s the thing. i don’t know about you, but when they start listing the side effects – the possible side effects from taking some of these drugs because i feel anxious or worried, or arthritic … i think hmmm. maybe it’s better to just have the anxiety and fear and worry along with restless leg syndrome then to have possible kidney failure, probable loss of vision, liver failure, cancerous boils, bowel movement interruption (WTF is that anyway?), hair loss, excruciating shoulder pain, numbness in both hands and all fingers, joint pain, dry skin, dandruff, bleeding from pretty much everywhere and anywhere, herniated discs, thoughts of suicide, depression, rage, and my favorite … unwanted weight gain and excessive bloating.
why oh why would would any of those side effects be better than a twinge or two of restless leg syndrome? i for one would rather my leg jerk uncontrollably for an hour, than have the absolute urge to stab myself along with unwanted facial hair.
i mean really, color me fucking nuts, but the side effects have absolutely no appeal what so ever.
can someone explain the selling point to me from a PR or marketing point of view. cause i am at a loss.
oh my god, is that a side effect? being at a loss?