Marrying George Clooney

oh my god, what if, what if they actually broke up? what if the stories are true? what if the kids will have to schlepp between their houses… oh good god.
i’m begging… please, no!
but then i wonder, what if… what if ken & i had photographers – paparazzi – following us everywhere. the price chopper, home depot, staples, the middletown cinema, the milford diner, or … god forbid, in traffic on the george washington bridge? perhaps at a broadway and/or off-broadway show, or last but not least, the ladies and mens room in any public place?
what would these photographers see and what would the media say?
well, for starters they would probably say we were divorcing every other week. i can see the national enquirer headline:
amy goes ballistic in fairway and shoves the arugula into ken’s chest.
ken stomps out of their manhattan apartment saying he’s fed up with amy’s up & down weight issues.
amy throws a temper fit in the parking lot of walmart.
amy tells ken to fuck off at a benefit for homeless kids.
ken drives off leaving amy hitchhiking home on route 80.
ken changes the locks.
amy sends their doctor an e-mail and says for god sake, stop prescribing him medical marijuana.
ken seen with three postal workers while they’re sorting the mail.
amy chokes and ken laughs.
ken vomits on his shoes and amy forbids his shoes back in the house.
amy and ken argue in a diner, the waiter has to pull them apart.
ken is seen with a “famous” starlet behind the camera.
tiger woods text messages ken.
ken takes ambien and then drives into a tree and now the “said” tree is suing him for sexual harassment.
amy seen without her wedding band at yoga class.
ken seen leaving a bowling alley in a huff, while amy, on his tail, threatens him with a sparkly bowling ball, “i wanna be on a couples league, one more gutter ball mister, and you’ll be swallowing this baby!”

honestly, if any photographer were following us on a weekly basis…