if you’ve read my book, you can skip to paragraph two, otherwise, please indulge me… my husband, my good, kind talented, funny, charming husband is now retired. or as someone so brilliantly said to me, rewired. i prefer that. it feels a bit, although not a lot, sexier. rewired. actually come to think of it, now that i’ve written it down, it sounds very robotic. i’m gonna stick with retired, i can work with that.
okay, so ken loves the weather channel and the new york giants and gardening, and pesto and driving his little sports car very very very fast, and … there’s so much i can list… but a new habit, a new little love bubble, since he’s retired/rewired, he likes to talk a lot about joint pain. not joint as in “sharing,” or in “co,” but as in oh my god my knee, oh my god my thumb, oh my fucking god everything aches. and i can handle that, i can. i tune him out, and i start thinking about vacations and floral arrangements and next years thanksgiving, and what to wear at the tony awards, and how can i be a bit taller than krista & brooke, and my mind wanders and by the time he’s done with all his aches and pains, i can have sympathy. it’s when he complains about the knees and the shoulders and the back and the arthritis and the carpal tunnel and then says in a west side story kinda way:
“hey, maria, wanna rumble?”
that’s when all the sympathy i had goes straight out the window and i say in my amy tone, have you no compassion or sympathy for my vaginal dryness, my arthritic neck, my irritable bowel syndrome, or colitis depending on the webMD information i get in the middle of the night.

and i say in my new midlife abbreviated lingo:
and he says with great confidence:
laugh out loud?
and i say:

Category: Uncategorized 12 comments »

12 Responses to “KenBook”

  1. Krista

    I love this post!! You are a very funny woman. Very. I thought LOL stood for lots of luck, or lots of love, for such a long time. And I couldn’t figure out why Peter was signing off his texts to his friends with “lots of luck”. And finally, FINALLY I asked him, and he was like, “Mom, geez, it’s laugh-out-loud. Don’t you even know?” Translate: Mom, you’re so fucking stupid. I knew that look.

    But yes, do think about how you can be taller. I am looking forward to seeing that trick.


  2. Leah Perez

    my mom suffered colitis last year and it was quite an expensive disease.,*,

  3. Ellie Hughes

    my dad suffered from colitis a couple of years ago, this disease is quite painful;~.

  4. Kerala Girls

    i was suffering from colitis a couple of months ago and believe me, the pain is horrible :”.

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