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avatar what if “the hurt locker” had been directed by a man

okay…
this is what’s on my mind today.
THE ACADEMY AWARDS.

i know, i know, i know…kathryn bigelow. amazing. truly. i mean not only is she a great director, she is gorgeous, funny, talented, smart, witty, brilliant, sexy and can pack a punch.
wow.
how frickin’ cool is that?
and i don’t want to go on and on and on about how amazing it is that she directed a film that for all intents and purposes is a guy, male driven film. no doubt about it.
so…
whatdya think the movie would’ve looked like had a man directed it?
well, for starters i think the title would’ve changed: “oh no no we can’t call it the hurt locker that sounds like a cheap shoe store in a fuckin’ mall, how about we call it, STRAIGHT TO HELL, or B IS FOR BOMB… or i got it, i got it…BLOW UP.”
and then of course there would be a sexy brit in there somewhere – maybe a bar scene, or maybe in the hummer… but there would be hot steamy “oh my god i miss my girlfriend back home so bad i can’t stand it one more day” kinda sex.
and i’m pretty sure joe pesci would be in the movie.
and the scene at home, back home, when he’s in the supermarket, indecisive … this cereal, that cereal…i’m pretty sure had a man directed that scene, the guy would have such a meltdown in that aisle – in that cereal aisle — that the entire supermarket would end up being under siege, and men in hazmat suits would be surrounding the shoprite, and the last scene, the very last scene… would be the husband and wife in therapy.

but then again, it takes a woman to cut through much of the bullshit.

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2 Responses to “what if “the hurt locker” had been directed by a man”

  1. avatar
    Debbie

    BRILLIANT ANALYSIS! I saw The Hurt Locker and it was amazing. I am so JAZZED that a female directed this film and you are so right on about how different it would have been had a man directed it. I hope she wins.

    XOXOXO
    Deb

  2. avatar
    Moe

    I loved Hurt Locker. I was shocked that a woman had made it. I recently watched a doc on Bigelow and was shocked to learn her age and that she had only made 8 other films. Many of which I had watched and enjoyed (Blue Steel, Point Break, Strange Day, K-19).

    Originally I wanted the film to win because it was good and second it was an independent. I love it when indie films surpass perceived expectations. Then I found out that Bigelow was attached and she would be the first female director to win. And I thought, it shouldn’t matter but cool, it’s a milestone. But then I heard Cameron pretty much imply that if she won it would be because she is a woman and would be hailed as the first woman director. The guy’s a conceited douche. Bigelow definitely deserves it.


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