if i can’t remember now…

i have this horrific fear. i mean really truly deeply scary horrific, and it’s not health related. no, no…no. a stroke seems mild compared, and god knows i am always ALWAYS scared i’m gonna have a stroke, and or worse, a brain aneurism. that fucking scares the shit outta me.
but what really scares me…
what deeply deeply scares me … what if there comes a time when i can’t remember a password, or pass-code, or account name…. or identification? what if there comes a time when i don’t remember various account numbers & ID’s and all that stuff? i mean, then what? and god knows i don’t have any of ken’s information. he’s such a private man, and no… no, sorry …. he’s not cheating. no. ken would never cheat online. he doesn’t text, he doesn’t know how. he can’t separate words when he texts, there is no seperation between words – none – it’s like one big jumbled sentence example: i’mfeeligbetternowitwasntanythingbutbadgaspainsandnowimbetter
it’s like he’s got “tourette’s texting syndrome.” he’d never cheat, and if he did, he’d have to be having an affair with a) a woman who has no use for the english language, and b) it wouldn’t last…. trust me. he needs a woman who knows how to separate sentences and words, and yes, yes… the wheat from the chaff…
okay as usual, i digress.
how the fuck am i gonna remember all of those passcodes and passwords when i’m much older and less charming and less patient and MORE paranoid.
last night i forgot my password – i wanted to go to one of the gazillion sites i scour, and to my horror, i forget my password. so… there i am at 2am, trying to figure out what password i used. and for the life of me i couldn’t remember it, but, for your pleasure, i am posting some of the questions asked of me to see if that would jar my memory and my account:

what was your pets name?
name of school?
what’s your favorite color?
what’s the nickname you give your husband, wife, partner when you’re in the middle of a rip roaring fight
how many abortions have you had, and please use both numbers and letters for this one.
how many times do you call your spouse a day, again combination of both numbers and letters.
mothers maiden name
religious affiliation?
favorite musician?
favorite day of the week? (and no, MELODY it is not FRIDAY… boy was i wrong)
favorite performer?
birthday, and please, re-assign both the year and the date and then combine and reassign the numbers and combination.
favorite dead pets name.

i couldn’t get onto the site. i feared being banned from further use. it seems that not only didn’t i have the correct answers to any of those questions, it also appears that after all these years where i thought that black was my favorite color —BINGO — i was fucking wrong, and … AND my favorite dead pets name … my sweet loving pet, the one i held and loved and would have breast fed … (blank) was not his name… no, no… it was NOT his name. INCORRECT ANSWER popped up.
now i know this was his name, i named him… this was his goddess given name.
and they – this website – had the audacity to reply, no uh uh, wrong dead pets name.

and so, i gave it one more try… one more goofy weird stupid fuck you try, and i wrote in the box next to DEAD PETS NAME:

i typed in: ALOYISUS

and i got into the site, and i just wanna say for the record, that was the name his biological mother gave him.

somewhere there is an internet hell. i know it. and all these little apps are running around with their little red outfits laughing and screaming and poking the shit outta each other and saying:

Category: Uncategorized 3 comments »

3 Responses to “if i can’t remember now…”

  1. Kathleen

    Can you hear me LAUGHING from across the lake. Love this blog. I usually do not comment on your blogs because….i figured I would have to sign up with yet another code that I would forget!!!!

    Shit one of those bank machines ate my card as I am trying to pull it out of the mouth of the machine…. because I could not remember the code, number, name.
    what the hell they tell ya not to use the same code so I am on code # 2zillion I am always typing in what was my name? I do not even know my own name on some. And password…ya I started off with two but now have maybe more and 5 zillion and I cannot get onto many site. Thankfully, no seriously!! thanks for not wanting a code,password,id for me to read this FABulous, Wonderful blogs each day.
    And I can comment:):)xo

  2. barbi

    Not to forget trying to find meaning in the security words, once you have figured them out – like unspoken & fart (or is it dart?), and trying to see the direction of your day in them like two worded horoscopes (like I should not fart or dart in public today)… you know what I mean?

  3. kristine

    I truly love your disrespect for technology…yes we are exquisite, brave and strong women…but we can also be serverely technically challenged.

    Yesterday I sent a very important document to a goddess who was kind enough to open the frickin email…about an hour later she wrote..it’s not in English, is this for me?
    I don’t speak spanish so how in heavens name how did a 20 page document decide to switch horses? Bless her heart she gave me a second chance…i am praying for basic english, that’ all.

    I have settled on one password for just about everything…it’s eashy, quick and to the point…I just realized I can’t give it to,,,cause then it isn’t a secret password and I would have to come up with another one.

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