Marrying George Clooney

it’s easy for me to worry.
i’ve been able to turn it into an artform.
well, ok, maybe not an artform. but boy oh boy can i worry.
i can worry like no one’s business. i can take a small insignificant thing – truly – and turn it into a hell ride in five seconds flat.
i can turn a stomach flu into stomach cancer and then turn that thought into having only 5 hours left to live, and of course, the “what to do if i have only 5 hours left to live?” well, for starters, i would not get on a plane, i would not spend my last 5 hours at an airport. i would not spend my last 5 hours on facebook, although since i am now addicted, it might serve me to spend at least 2 of those 5 hours trying to de-tox so when i am gasping for my last breath i am not trying to friend someone. i would NOT definitely not spend those 5 hours composting. this of course would be the cause of an argument with ken who for some god forsaken reason LOVES composting. he loves it. and i know it’s a good thing, i do, i know it’s good, it’s green, i know this, and yet, truth be told, it’s just not my thing. why bullshit if you have 5 hours left to live. i would not watch dreck TV, although i did find myself sobbing SOBBING last night while watching the final episode of Brothers & Sisters, and i have to be fully honest here, i didn’t watch the show all season, so…i had no idea whatsoever what was going on, but boy oh boy did i sob. oh my god. poor rob lowe, although i hear he’s heading to parks & recreation, which obviously means you die on one show and pop up on another. and for the record i do not find either show, p&r, or B&S to be dreck tv. i find them funny & smart. although desperate housewives is a piece of god awful shit. why doesn’t someone just blow up wisteria lane and get it over with? again, with 5 hours left you tell the truth.

so yes, i was lying in bed with my stomach flu and imagining i had 5 hours left to live, and i realized as i was lying there, the clock ticking, that i wanted more than anything to cuddle with ken, tell him a gazillion times how much i love him, how much i like him, i wanted to write everyone i love, everyone who is in my life who makes a difference in my life every single day a letter, thanking them for loving me, and for giving me courage & inspiration. i wanted to clean out my closet and drawers because i didn’t wanna go down as a clutter fuck, and i wanted to be at peace.

not the sitting in the lotus position, letting go of everything anything kinda peace – but the kind of peace that comes with making choices, living fully, making a difference…

and of course i lived happily after.