I hear Tiger’s mistress is going to pose for playboy. I for one can’t wait to see her perky happy tits. This is such a huge moment. I’m a boob girl. So, this is really like a big deal. Tiger’s mistress posing for playboy. and then there’s Jessie’s girl, the nazi queen who will be dancing topless in Vegas to raise money for – get this – erectile dysfunction. I mean how fucking perfect. I guess when it all falls to shit, no one can stay hard. I can see it now, howdy folks, we’re gonna raise a couple of grand and make sure your man can maintain a happy face.

Oh, please, whatever happened to bowling for dollars? Is that not sacred?

And all these broads are suing these men up the ying yang. seriously. 20 million here, 18 million there. They’re gold diggers. pure and simple. you come along with your little “sniff & scratch” nose, and then you have audacity the outright audacity to declare territorial rights and on top of that shop a book deal with the promise of exposing lurid details of down low, or low down, or what the fuck down sex. please. spare us your raunch. spare us your bad behavior. find yourself a nice right wing homophobic-erotica-zoid, the “i did not have sex with that boy’ politican and do something good for a change, TAKE PHOTOS. you wanna win some hearts, bring down the right wing freakzoids. go out there, blow them, get them to ‘share’ their stories, their heartache, their muscle cramps. and then tell lurid stories about their healthy sex drive and their one finger texting.

okay, okay… maybe i am jealous. maybe just a teeny bit. maybe it’s just in all my years of ‘premarital’ sex, all those years of “blow me for a bud,” i was not the girl going to the plaza hotel or the sherry netherland. i was not ooohing and aaaahing. i was the girl going to HOJO’s paying for the clam strips.
i didn’t have to blow and dry all the way to bangkok. i didn’t have to sip and stand. i didn’t have to sit in a bathroom stall while texting the night away. my god, could you imagine the trauma these women have to go through? withstand? so much. all so they can become infamous and get gloria allred to represent them. and excuse, what is that about? is that called pimping? my heart does not break for these women. especially the nazi tattoo nut job. but i will say that it sickens me that here are these women, making a lot of dough off breaking hearts all over the place and they walk away with millions … frickin’ millions … and schools can’t afford to fund art or literary programs?
i say gloria allred donate HER FEE from these (nut) cases to insure that schools have endowments for the arts.
or maybe, maybe the oughta get together, and open a retirement village, and call it:
the BUCK stops here, all the YOUNG BUCKS stop here.

talk about getting bang for your buck.

and one more thing, this seriously disturbs me. charlie sheen is going back to two and a half men. he’s got a two year contract, without a doubt worth a boatload, a massive boatload of cash, he gets 22 episodes, a gazillion dollars an episode. there’s this young kid who’s living at CAMP RIKERS prison. he stole a pair of sneakers, and because this was his third offense, the first being a candy bar, the second a pair of running shorts, he gets 22 years.

Charlie Sheen brutalizes his wife, goes on some hotel rampage binge, phone calls going back and forth from the hotel to the local sheriff’s office – the wife demanding a restraining order is placed ASAP, all while on vacation at the St. Regis in Aspen Colorado. he spent a night in jail, or maybe it was just a few hours. two days later he was skiing and smoking cuban cigars. cocky little boy. desperate little girl. and and he gets to have his sitcom back.

this is the kind of shit that drives me nuts. the sheens and the mistresses and the jesse james, and the tiger woods, and the slap on the wrist which clearly promotes the it’s okay to brutalize, cheat on, and lie to your wife. HEY FOLKS: it is not okay NOT OKAY one bit to cheat, lie, and brutalize your wife, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, pet … ever, ever. EVER. and it is not okay to steal a man away from his wife or partner, no it is not, and please save your breath, you might need to be blowing out a few birthday candles. I am telling you that does not go under the category of ‘share-sies.”

sharing is not the same as “gimme. i want this. this is mine, and i want it. it’s mine now.” no. no. oh no.
and brutalizing ANYONE should not be rewarded with a bigger paycheck and a prime-time slot any night of the week.

pisses me off.

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One Response to “iPorn”

  1. mardene abarbanell

    there was one time when I allowed my outrage at mis-treatment to explode with the force that Amy allows….I had, for all intents and purposes lost my mind, and when my precious son walked in the room after spending the day with the ‘perp’ of this anecdote, a howl issued forth from my mouth the likes of which had never… been heard before, I grabbed the nearest object ( a five pound weight) and threw it at my son. Thank God I am a lousy pitcher, I missed him by 2 feet and the resultant hole in the wall stayed there to remind me to NEVER let that animal out ever again. Good? Bad?? What??

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