Marrying George Clooney

okay, so it became very clear to me that a) i don’t keep up with my finances, and b) i don’t keep up with my finances.

last night, for some reason, i thought: OMG, we own BP stock and we need to get out of this company ASAP for all the obvious reasons, the least of which is it’s CEO should be strung up by his balls and/or his balls should be used to plug up the oil spill, and yes, i feel very strongly about that … and so, this morning, in a panic i called our broker and he wasn’t in but boy did i ram a rod up his assistant’s ass, “how can you let us stay in a company that is so god awful and so immoral, and holy mother of god…”
and then she says/asks, in a sweet calm lovely voice, “can i get back to you on this, amy?”
well, of course, i say, but be quick.
now, i have to say that i’m usually very timid & very passive when it comes to our finances.
okay maybe not timid, maybe just negligent. that’s a much better word. negligent. it probably has to do with my upbringing and not feeling worthy or entitled or deserving… and so negligent is the right word. and i am going to transform and change that after i write this blog. i’m going from negligence to abundance…
and yes, truth be told, ken is worse with finances.
oh my god, W.O.R.S.E. much worse. but this isn’t about ken and his passive aggressive financial issues. no no no. because if it was about ken and his brilliant picks & choices, we’d both be working at the local bridge collecting tickets, living off our looks and while my husband is extraordinarily good looking…

as usual, i digress.

so, here i am fuming & pissed & bitter with a side of fries, and the call comes in.
hello amy.
hello lee.
you don’t own BP.
hmmm. really? you sure?
yes. really. i’m sure. we combed all your accounts and you don’t have any shares.
hmmm. really?
really.
really. wow.
okay, well… anything else?
well, yes, did i ever own BP?
no. never.
never? should you have bought it for us, you know, back when… because it has such a great dividend, but i wouldn’t want any of those dividends now because you know what a shit-ful… (silence, radio silence) HELLO, HELLO, did i lose you?
(more silence for what feels like two days, or at the very least a couple of minutes)
hello? did i lose you?
no, i’m here.
okay. well, have a good weekend.
you too.
bye.
bye.

and this is what ken said to me after i hung the phone:
“i knew we didn’t own BP.”

and so…

the moral of this blog, the crude moral of this blog:
nothing – nada, zilch, zippo – is gonna get plugged for a while.