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finding the “me” in amy
i met this extraordinary man this weekend. he was a monk for 25 years. he lived & breathed his faith, his practice.
and then he spoke up & shared his opinion about something, and he was asked to never do that again.
he was given a choice:
you can either speak up & leave the order, or you can see that you’re speaking up causes too much confusion & disruption.
he said he would pray on this.
he prayed.
he prayed some more.
he prayed harder and longer and felt so uneasy.
he prayed more.
he felt sad.
he prayed more.
he felt anger and uncomfortable.
he decided he didn’t like keeping it all inside, to himself.
so he choose speaking up and left the order. the big kahuna monk didn’t like his decision and said, “you will reside in hell for this.” hmmm, he thought, not a good way to encourage someone to stay on board here. a little bit of bully in that monk.
he knew his choice was the best one.
he left with nothing. not a penny. he left with his clothes on his back and his passion for weaving.
he loved weaving. this is what he did at the monastery. he worked the loom every single day.
and….
for ten years he struggled with his anger and the feeling of betrayal from a community that was ‘his family,’ he struggled with guilt and shame and sadness.
and along with those feelings, he made his art every single day. he wove. he created gorgeous tapestries.
he traded praying for weaving.
he wove.
he wove more.
he wove everyday.
it gave him hope and filled him.
with joy and happiness.
and there were moments of great doubt.
great confusion.
great sadness..
and days filled with miracles.
and now his tapestries hang in museums all over the world, and hotels and institutions and galleries. he teaches, he travels. he is world renowned.
i asked him if he still prays, he said, oh yes, at my loom. i pray at my loom. that is my passion.
he found his god he said inside of him. he said he believes in the beauty and power of the mysterious. that he tries to not question every little thing, but lets it unfold.
i told him that this was not easy for me. trusting. letting things unfold. believing that all will be okay without my controlling every little bit of it. it scared me, i said. he said it’s not supposed to be easy, and it is scary, and sometimes we just need to close out eyes and jump.
when he left the order, he found life.
on the count of three…
Category: Uncategorized 5 comments »
June 28th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Amy, This is what I struggle with every single day – letting go. I love this Post. I am new to your Blog, but not anymore. I love, love, love this. And, you know but no one can hear it enough, I love how talented and amazing you are. I love you. Monica
June 29th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
Amy,
WOW!!! What a wonderful piece. This blog gave me goosebumps.
Letting go and believing in the beauty and power of the mysterious, and just letting things unfold, is not easy for me either, but I’m working on it.
This was truly a very inspirational piece. LOVED it.
Hugs & Kisses my sweet.
June 29th, 2010 at 9:03 pm
Sooo beautifully shared…and so in line with what we have talked about. he’s a shining example of where we want to be…..xoxoxo
July 3rd, 2010 at 8:49 pm
This is a really hard thing for me to do. After years of beening told I should start a blog I finally did. The reason I waited so long…fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what others would say, and fear of letting part of myself go in every writing. I still find it very hard to let go of the fear, but I’m learning a little more everyday. And isn’t that what life is really about…learning.
July 11th, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Loved this. I believe in speaking.