amy’s secret

okay, full disclosure, my breasts are not perky.
okay, enough about that.

i am sitting here with the new victoria’s secret catalogue, which god only knows why the fuck i get it. and maybe it’s me, maybe i’m just having one of those “bad hair didn’t shave my legs” days when i can see every single wrinkle, every tiny line, every short grey hair, every inch of cellulite. maybe it’s just when i turn to page 55 and there – right there on the page – is a young leggy blonde kneeling (which in and of itself would be nothing short of a miracle) – wearing black suede over-the-knee boots with seven inch heels and a teeny black leather jacket over a skin-tight itsy bitsy grey tee shirt and hot pants and i think: hmmm, why am i getting this catalogue?

then i turn to page 47 in hopes of finding an answer, and there on the page are shoes. ten pair, and every single pair, honest, has a five to seven inch heel. i would get a nose bleed if i wore those shoes. i would. i used to wear heels. i did. i wore heels & skirts and knew how to run for a cab wearing high heels. now i make the cab come to me. and there on the opposite page is a young gorgeous woman wearing a skirt that could also be mistaken for a belt, and the only thing stopping her legs is the floor. and i think, hmmm, why am i getting this catalogue?

and then there’s the victoria secret perfume, these are the scents: tease, desire, heavenly, divine and wish. those are the scents slash names.
my perfume is called maybe

but my very favorite page, my all time favorite – the one that made me go ‘aha’ i get why i’m getting this catalogue. page 60, where the copy reads:


and by god i can so relate to that.

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3 Responses to “amy’s secret”

  1. Madge Woods

    I stopped all catalogs to be green and I don’t miss them one bit. Who wears this shit not 61 year old women and I had my breasts made perky by breast reduction. Works for me but now my arms are much bigger. Taking out fat makes the fat go elsewhere and my thin and muscled arms are flabby and large. Can’t just have it all.

  2. melody george

    My perfume is called “I don’t remember but if you hum a few bars……”

  3. kristine van raden

    my perfume is called chocolate donut with sprinkles…
    hence the cellulite!

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