when i grow up

sometimes when i’m wide awake in the middle of the night, i imagine having peace & security on the job front. being a writer is filled with great creativity & great, great worry. not that i need anything in particular to worry about, it seems i can worry about anything & everything at any point. my dad was a worrier. a huge gigantic worrier. i’m pretty sure i confused worry with love for most of my young (and not so young) life.

but this isn’t about worrying.
this is about job security.
okay, so an oxymoron.

in my middle of the night “oh my god fear doubt worry” moments, i tend to apply for jobs. i go online and decide that even though i have absolutely no skills what so ever, i will in fact apply for the nursing job, the medical assistant job, the bi-ligual managerial position, the internet whiz job, the fireman(person) position, the emergency room technician, the dog groomer, the cat sitter, the volunteer (with pay possibility) ambulance driver, the emergency room hotline volunteer, the circus clown slash arcade manager, the electronic engineer, the marketing consultant.

i am not right for any of these jobs, none.

i have non of these skills. but none the less in the middle of the night when it’s dark and scary and worry covers me like a blanket, i think… what to do, what to do, what to do?

and then in the morning i wake up and check my emails, and like today, woo-hoo: a job possibility:
“amy, pursue your career in medical billing and coding.”

and then i say to myself, amy, amy amy amy amy …. hello! pursue your career in writing!!!!!!
and then i write my blog about all my crazy wacky shit and for a couple of hours i feel like a writer and my only worry – my one big gigantic worry: will everyone, and i mean everyone, will everyone love what i write?

Category: Uncategorized 8 comments »

8 Responses to “when i grow up”

  1. Jane

    Yes! Always! OK…almost always. 😉

  2. Madge Woods

    Always yes from me.

  3. Vickie Stahl

    Not only do I love what you write but you’re the swift kick in the ass that I sometimes, alright, almost always need.
    All I ever wanted to do was write but I had children which meant I had to work a regular gig with health insurance, yearly raises and a slow climb on the ladder to the top. Once I got there, I couldn’t wait to jump off.

    Your writing is a wake up call to pursue whatever it is and to write about whatever I want to write about. So give up on being a dental assistant,
    rodeo clown, gas station attendant or one of those crazy broads that threads eyebrows in the mall and keep on doing what you do. Worry and write!

  4. Barbara@The Middle Ages

    Argh, Amy, I have the same worryworryworry. The same back and forth, push and pull. Apply/don’t apply. It’s so hard!

    But add me to the list of yeses: you should be writing always and without worry!

  5. Carmen P.

    Well, for what it’s worth, I totally love what you write, and there is no question that you are doing what you were “meant” to do.

    Wish I could say the same for myself…. my late night worries about career are desperate grasps at doing something, ANYTHING other than the job I have had a love-hate relationship with for 24 years.

    Perhaps there is no such thing as peace and security on the job front!

  6. Hollye Dexter

    Oh Amy- I am right there with you, and in fact, while griping about needing a job, a close friend OFFERED ME ONE, and it scared the shit out of me!
    Now I’m worried about taking a job!

  7. krisitne

    love each and every thing you write…you inspire, you humble, you encourage, you challenge and you tell the truth,,,what could be better?

  8. Laurie

    Gotta write, so write. Yes, everyone will love it…. or not, but that’s the risk you take and then you learn that loving something or not is irrelevant to the artist who MUST express herself. Your voice is clear and pure, and yes, it does speak to me, and that’s all there is.

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