Marrying George Clooney

Okay.
Well.
Whew.
It appears that I really truly this time no bullshit got the message slash lesson.
Un-fucking-believable.

First, at around 5, 5:30-ish, Marco the mechanic from Mazda called to say that yes our car was repaired and we could come and pick it up. So, we made plans to pick up the car this morning.

And then at around 6, 7-ish a major storm warning appeared on our brand new flat screen Panasonic television. First the beeps. Beep beep beep beep beep. Then the big bad RED FLASH, then the STORM WARNING STORM WARNING STORM WARNING banner.

Ken was outside tossing his compost. I slipped into my multi colored striped – matches my throw rug – rubber boots, and ran outside, wearing only my panties and tee shirt, screaming:

“GET INSIDE, GET INSIDE NOW.”

He with pitchfork said, “i gotta finish this.”

And I said, “DO YOU EVER, EVER, EVER WANNA HAVE SEX AGAIN? HUH, BUDDY?”

He had to think about that.

I turned and ran into the house.

Oh my god, oh my god, another fucking electrical storm. I gathered my two cats and made sure they were both as nuts as I was. Bella started biting herself, and Lotus hid in her little cat condo thing.

Then i did two things that I hardly ever do.
1) I started to breathe. Really breathing. In and out. In and out. A few times, and realized that I don’t really know how to breathe, from my soul and gut and life. I realized that I hold my breath very often. I hold it, and then when I let it out, it sounds so labored, so filled with fear and worry and doubt.

So, I breathed.

2) Then I went back outside and said to Ken very quietly:
“Please, come in. I’m scared. I need you to hold me.” And I watched as my husband melted, he put down the pitchfork and he held me and we both walked into the house, and I knew I KNEW that with this storm something was changing. Could change. Would change.

There was thunder, loud, oh so loud claps, and it was scary and Ken held me, and more importantly, I let him hold me, and the storm passed and we got into bed and both took a good, hearty dose of ambien.

And then this morning we drove an hour to pick up our car.

And all was good. The two mechanics – Chris & Marco – were so lovely & kind & accommodating & I said outloud:
“Wow, I wanna live here, you guys are so nice.”

We said good-bye, thank you, and went on our way. I drove off in the CX-7, Ken drove off in his car.

And I thought, “oh, good god, it’s over, I can breathe now.” And so I let out a huge deep sigh, and with that – right on Route 84 – a SCARY, scary light went ON on the dashboard. Oh my god, I thought, is it the battery? Maybe the battery. But no, on closer examination, no, no no…. it didn’t look like battery. i had no idea what the little icon was, and yes, I started to panic, but not as much, or as deep. and I pulled off the side of the road, put my flashes on, as trucks – big bad scary trucks – were passing, and I tried reaching Ken on his cellphone, but he wasn’t answering, and I had no idea what the fucking light was. I opened the glove compartment, took out all the fucking manuals, and looked and looked and found nothing and I found nothing because I had no idea what iI was looking for. Although I did find out that it wasn’t the battery. The battery was a different icon.  And so, I called Mazda and they said, “Come back now, and we’ll check.”

FYI, on route 84 there are no u-turns or exits for a good fifteen minutes, and so, I continued breathing and finally FINALLY got ken on the phone, and he was so wonderful & kind and miracles of miracles, I didn’t yell or freak out, I told him to go to the diner, eat something, and I would get home at some fucking point. But I said it with kindness and deep appreciation.

Okay, long story a bit shorter –  it was the engine light. As I was standing at the service counter chatting with Marco (who, yes, could tell that I was worried), waiting for the guy with the whatever-it-is device to tell me why the engine light had gone on, Chris came out from the garage, and said, “Mrs. Ferris, what are you doing back here?” and I said, “Well Chris the engine light came on and I got scared…”

And he said:

“WELL YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO LIVE HERE. YOU PUT THAT INTENTION OUT.”

Holy Shit. Holy Shit.

I put that intention out.

Oh my fucking god. And with that, I truly deeply understood with every fiber in my being that yes, yes, yes, yes THE UNIVERSE HEARS YOU.

The universe hears what you say, what you wish for, what you want. Your intention.
Yes. WE ARE HEARD. Loud & clear, and then we get pissed because we were answered.

“Wow, I really wanna live here, you guys are so nice.” Boom, the engine light goes off, and I have to go back there. I have to go back there.

And just last week I said to my doctor in a weird half funny kind of way:

“You know, I feel like i’m having a complete nervous breakdown,”

And with that, everything, and I mean everything, broke down. Exploded. Fried.
And so…

I never pay enough attention to what it is I say, what it is I ask for, what it is I truly deeply want.

The lesson learned.
I am powerful.
I am heard.

I need to believe that. I do.

We all do. We need to believe in the power of our lives. Our intentions. What we say and ask for, and change how we say it, how we phrase it.  What we need. We need to pay attention to what comes out of our mouth because we are heard. Loud and clear.

So, I’m going down that path – THAT PATH – now.

And I’m taking my husband, and my friends, and Bella & Lotus, and the two Mazda mechanics, Chris & Marco…. and a couple of new folks — HELLO JILL … with me.