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avatar i digress

… from my usual rants.

today i just wanna say for the record that mercury does not appear to be out of retrograde, it appears to be stuck. FUCKING STUCK. so, for those of us who are in the midst of appliances blowing up, cars still in the repair ‘shop’ (day 22 thank you very much), bad hair days, loose cannons, money leaving our bank accounts without a proper good bye, religious intolerance, big bad fights with partners, spouses, friends, and yes, neighbors, cats and dogs fighting, food going sour, dishes breaking on their own (what is that about?), holes becoming boxes becoming swimming pools, a pimple break-out, roofs leaking, windows breaking, floorboards splitting, basement’s flooding, and the ever popular: BRAND NEW DISHWASHER BREAKING DOWN WITHOUT WARNING OR WARRANTY…

i say:

HEY RETROGRADE: STOP BULLYING US. FUCK YOU. That’s right, fuck you.

FUCK YOU, GO AWAY, DON’T BOTHER RETURNING, YOU’RE NOT WELCOME HERE ANY LONGER.

AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, TAKE YOUR OTHER FRIENDS WHO ARE SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL. GO ON. SHOO. SHOO.

go on.

bye.

bye.

now.

i got news for you mercury, there are TWO new planets in town!

amy ferris & hollye holmes dexter.

amy is in retrograde and she’s a whole lot sassier than you are, and hollye is gonna make you wish you never, ever fucked with her dishwasher.

so there.

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Category: Uncategorized 5 comments »

5 Responses to “i digress”

  1. avatar
    Hollye Dexter

    oh GOD BLESS YOU for making me laugh today!
    I did not think it was possible!

    I LOVE YOU!

  2. avatar
    Carol

    one word….(ok 2) fucking plumbing.

  3. avatar
    Madge Woods

    You made me laugh all the way to Tokyo.

  4. avatar
    kristine

    while cutting my husbands hair, just nicked the top of his ear a little…blood, blood and more blood; dropped my glasses in the lawn and ran over them with the lawn mower, found my dog eating the neighbors chicken, and
    spilled a very hot cup of coffee down the front of my new silk jacket (I swear I should only dress is tin foil). Can somebody please move mercury and all of it’s bad ju ju? Or pass out haz-mat suits to all.

  5. avatar
    Barbara@TheMiddleAges

    I can’t even do the cutesy lol because I am seriously LAUGHING OUT LOUD!! So refreshing!

    I want Amy Ferris and Hollye Dexter ruling my rising sun.


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