the best of bad: bad seat-mate

i always depend on the kindness of strangers.


it just so happens that i’m one of those people who would give up a seat on a airplane so a couple could sit next to each other. i would. in a heartbeat.

ken & i were not seated together. we were both in middle seats. same row, but… each in a middle seat. and yes, i know these are not the favorite seats. i know. i mean the entire row is the size of a small loveseat to begin with. it’s tight and cramped and god forbid you need to do any kind of neck exercise on a regular basis. rotating your neck, if sitting next to the opposite sex, could be qualified as sexual harassment. honestly. you’re so close to the person next to you that you can actually take on their body smell. and after 5/6 hours, their personality and habits.

i digress.

as always.

ken & i were not sitting next to each other. it wasn’t a tragedy – we would have been able to survive not being velcroed to each other, but still… still… sometimes it’s just not enough being together 24/7.

i asked the young beautiful girl with the sexy tattoo on her hand who was sitting in the aisle seat if she would change with my husband. i knew that this was not going to go over big. i mean who in their right mind wants a middle seat? “no. oh no. NO NO NO.” she said, but then she added:  “i can’t. i have to get up to pee a lot. i need the aisle seat.” she was young and beautiful and had both an iPad and an iPhone and long legs and possibly maybe even a urinary tract infection. i remember those days, the peeing, the burning. the need to sit in an aisle seat. hmmm. i thought. ah, youth. iPads, iPhones, iUrinaryTract. and of course she needed the aisle seat. i understood. i had compassion.

and just when it looked like there was no hope … the guy next to me, sitting at the window, a young sweet guy… said, “i’ll trade with him.”  “oh my god. really? but you have the coveted window seat.” and he got up, and then the miracle happened.

the couple sitting on either side of ken really wanted to sit together, and the woman wanted the middle seat so she could sit next to her husband who was sitting on the aisle, and so… the guy next to me got the other window seat, ken got me, I got him (LUCKY, LUCKY!), and the girl with the tattoo in the aisle seat  NEVER – NOT FRICKIN’ ONCE – got up to pee.


6.5 hours and she never got up. not even to stretch her long lanky legs.

pants on fire man.


Category: Uncategorized 5 comments »

5 Responses to “the best of bad: bad seat-mate”

  1. Hollye Dexter

    ooooh – the best of bad and the best of GOOD all wrapped up in one yummy combo plate.
    I love window-seat man, and how the Universe smiled on him for being a good guy. How very cool is that!

  2. Amy Luther-Rockwell

    LOL…Amy, I have been reading your blog for a while now. Yes, initially because I was doing a George Clooney search–and he led me to you. I am grateful. You capture so much of what goes through my mind and I read with delight what goes through yours. Pants on fire is so something I’d say and have said and will say again. Thanks for the laugh.

  3. Madge Woods

    What a liar-pants on fire. I would never trade my aisle seat as I do have to get up to go to the bathroom a zillion times but at least you would have seen me get up. Awful seatmate should have just gotten up to prove to you she was not an assholette. It was great meeting you in person.

  4. Debbie

    Great post Amy! As always …. you make me laugh …. pants on fire!@ omg! hope you’re doing well my friend! love you so much!


  5. kristine

    Pants on Fire, one small package of peanuts, the line to use the tiny tiny cramped, smelly bathroom and $6. cash for a bad glass of wine in a tiny plastic cup…flying is not what it used to be…nice to hear a gracious (eventually) flying story. I’ll think of that next time I am going through the whole body scan thingy or have the TSA women’s hand running up my thigh. Glad you are home safe and sound

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