a re-birth day

today is my birthday. i am 56. whoa. how? when? holy moly 56!

okay, enough moaning groaning.

thrilled & delighted to be here on this earth. in this world. loving. giving.

my husband. my friends. my family.

i mean, really, how lucky. fortunate. blessed.

ken asked me what i wanted for my birthday. i said nothing, i want nothing. hmmm, he said. no, really, i have everything i want, need… really, he asked, nothing? nothing? nothing. i want nothing… oh wait, i want something, i said. what what what for heaven sake what? i said:

PEACE OF MIND. CONTENTment. JOY.

and no one can give that to me. i can give it to me.

hmmm. he said… okay. okay. go, get it. i’ve got your back.

and so… the inner journey.

working through pain & sorrow, and now, today on my birthday … i can feel it. i can. coming out the other side.

i realized yesterday while getting a glorious massage (THANK YOU KEN!!!!!!) & reiki, (THANK YOU LAURA & FLORIN!!!!!!) that i have been talking about all this shame and pain and hurt inside of me, and dwelling there, taking up residence there, staying there, living there… and making myself, well, feel more of the shame and pain and sadness, you know, at one point it felt stale. and oh so frickin’ icky – like when you’ve been on a plane for hours & hours & the air just re-circulates, and, oh so stale. so very stale. you’re just breathing in the same crap over & over & over… so yesterday while i was getting this treatment i had an aha moment:

holy shit….I AM SO PROUD OF ME. i thought, while face down, and experiencing the reiki treatment. SO PROUD.

PROUD of all this hard tough painful excruciating work. working through so much pain and it was time to forgive myself. i thought: I’M GONNA USE MY LIFE AND SHARE MY STORY AND HELP OTHERS…

I’M GONNA KEEP ON DOING THAT WITH, BUT, GET THIS:

with PRIDE — not shame.

GREAT FUCKING PRIDE.

so, today, on my re-birth day, i feel re-newed. i feel grateful & so much deep love. for MELODY GEORGE, for HOLLYE DEXTER, for KRISTINE & KATE & MOLLY & erin & beth & patty & holly & carol & susan. for ellyn and susan b. and amy f. and madge and krista and eliza and julie and barbara and marcia and kathy and karen and liz and ingrid and roberta and marianne and on & on & on, for MAXEE and LINDA & MONICA & JULIE….& samantha & oh my goddess, BONNY.

and all the boys & men.

but mostly today i am grateful for ken.

who deserves a fucking medal from Barney’s New York.

and so when i told ken, honey i’m gonna get you a medal, he said, no no no, i don’t want one. i don’t need one. and then with a little twinkle:

but i do want (get a load of this) a trophy.

so, today, on my re-birth day, i am giving ken a trophy…

… wife.

moi.

Category: Uncategorized 8 comments »

8 Responses to “a re-birth day”

Madge Woods
December 4th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
I left messages on your phones today. Love you lots and wished you a personal greeting live. Have a great day and get a good trophy for Ken. After meeting the two of you I think that gift is perfect. And the greatest gift is forgiveness to all who in some way hurt you or who you hurt.
Krista
December 4th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Happy Re-Birthday! I love you.
Debbie
December 4th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY DARLING!!!! ok … you were born to live your life, and to suffer all you suffered, and to grow and learn and give back and encourage other women. YOU were meant to for me … to send words and encouragement and to call me on the phone to reiterate those words of encouragement and you will NEVER, EVER know what that did for me. NEVER. YOUR words were the stamp of approval that I yearned for ALL MY LIFE MY FRIEND. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU AND HAVE A BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY.

LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Deb
Jane
December 4th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Happy birthday! We are the same age now! (And yet again ANOTHER list of names I am not included in…sigh) :0)
Hollye Dexter
December 5th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Happy re-birthday, my birthday sister.

I’m glad you are proud of you, because I certainly am. Incredibly proud.
You continue to lead us all on the path to honesty.
Your journey is ours.

Thank you for sharing you.

How incredibly blessed I am to have you in my life.
And Ken- what a trophy you got! Wow.
Linda tears
December 5th, 2010 at 9:02 pm
I can’t believe I almost missed this ———TRUTH! More truth than I’ve ever heard outside of a 12 Step meeting – and frankly those truths are suspect –

Amy Ferris – we thank you for providing a safe route to outing our truths. This has meant more to me than you could ever know. You have created a mental & creative hike for creative emotional safety and even if you weren’t gorgeous – I’d still love you deeply…
Barbara@TheMiddleAges
December 6th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Love this! Just getting caught up on all the blogs I missed while I was gone. You and Amy sound just GODDESS.

Happy birth and-re-birthday
Carol
December 9th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Oh Amy, I LOVE your Blogs!!!! What a great thing to feel and share with us. I feel very much the same, I really don’t need anything, just Love and Inner Peace even though I’m only turning 49 this month!!!!! Oh I do love you and Katheen!! All my FB GFs, Everyday you make me smile, if FB disappeared tomorrow I would be lost without you all!!
Fortunately, I have another year of anticipation and planning, mad scheming! Just think, if your new book comes out you could sign that one too!!!! LMAO, thank you :c) XOXOXOXOXOX