ken-amelina: inquiring minds wanna know

oh my god, what if, what if they actually broke up? what if the stories are true? what if the kids will have to schlepp between their houses… oh good god.
i’m begging… please, no!
but then i wonder, hmmm, what if… what if ken & i had photographers – paparazzi – following us everywhere. the price chopper, home depot, staples, the middletown cinema, the milford diner, or … god forbid, stuck in traffic on the george washington bridge?
what would these photographers see and what would the media say?
well, for starters they would probably say we were divorcing, pretty much every other week i’d wager.

i can see the headlines now:

amy goes ballistic in fairway and shoves the arugula into ken’s chest.
ken stomps out of their hotel room in los angeles saying he’s fed up with amy’s “up & down shoe issues.”

amy throws a shit fit in the rite-aid parking lot, “these are only 2.5 mg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

amy tells ken to fuck off at a benefit for homeless kids.
ken drives off, leaving amy hitchhiking on route 80.
ken builds bomb shelter.
amy sends their doctor an e-mail and begs, “for god sake, stop prescribing him medical marijuana.”
ken seen with three postal workers while they’re sorting the mail.
amy chokes and ken laughs.
ken vomits on his shoes and amy forbids his shoes back in the house.
amy and ken argue in a diner, the waiter has to pull them apart.
ken is seen with a “famous” starlet behind the camera.

ken takes ambien and then drives into a tree and now the “said” tree is suing him for sexual harassment.
amy seen without her wedding band at yoga class.
ken seen leaving a bowling alley in a huff, while amy, on his tail, threatens him with a sparkly bowling ball, “i wanna be on a couples league, one more gutter-ball mister, and you’ll be swallowing this baby!”

honestly, if any photographer were following us on a weekly basis…

Category: Uncategorized 7 comments »

7 Responses to “ken-amelina: inquiring minds wanna know”

  1. Madge Woods

    This is soooo funny as always. I can only imagine what really goes on as a reflection of a view for a few seconds. Always say we don’t know what goes on between those four walls. Great picture up painted for us Amy.

  2. melody george

    Wait just a damn minute………………..You mean their NOT!!!!

    (wheres my old brownie camera…Ive got some paparazz-ing to do!!!!!!)

    : P

    Laughed my butt off at this….Id even buy the Star to see headlines of my Amy and worth every humiliation id feel standing in line with that in my cart…WELL worth it!!!

  3. melody george

    Ok..darned typing thing…that supposed to be “they’re”….oh know that….

  4. Hollye Dexter

    LOVE this. So funny!
    You forgot to write about all the LOVE they would see between you…

  5. debbie

    you crazy broad! lol!




  6. kristine

    hysterical and way more entertaining that that other couple….what would make this complete is if you had adopted a few kids from…wait, wait, where are the kitties in all this? Custody, kitty support…Huh? What’s up with that?

  7. Barbara@TheMiddleAges

    So true! I mean, totally funny, but ain’t it the truth? If we were all followed like they are, there’d be gobs of paparazzi-bs the tabloids could exploit (or sexploit). I say, give ’em drama.

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