A.W.E. – All Women Envied

i am in awe of my girlfriends. i am. why lie about it, it just comes back to bite you on the ass.
these women, my friends, every single day they hang their laundry out and share it and in the process, give another woman HOPE. COURAGE. the ability to look right smack in the mirror and say, “Okay, today i’m gonna try one more time…” these women slay me.
i have been depressed, sad, overwhelmed for a good part of the past few weeks. ken turned 70, and truthfully, that was and is hard for me. i watch as he navigates some aches and pains and memory lapses, and my heart hurts. he is the love of my life. there is no second. no runner up. i got lucky. it has also been two years (to the day) since i last saw my mom before she passed, and while ours was a difficult at best relationship, there was much about her i enjoyed. i loved when she hung up on me, slamming the phone for extra added ummmph, and refused to answer the phone for what felt like 102 girl hours. she was always in some punishment mode. but the thing is, when she calmed down and my valium kicked in, we met half way. she had me bawling when she said, “you’re my best friend, i missed you so.” i was – at that point in her life – one of a handful of ‘best’ friends, so best wasn’t a big announcement. although i would wager my sister in law was also her friend, and a good friend at that. theirs was a strained yet lovely relationship like most relationships my mother engaged in. but my mom being my mom had a hard time sharing the love. she came from the “all or nothing” school of generosity. no wonder we all got the short end.

so, yeah these are challenging times. financially, emotionally, creatively, sexually, psychologically. they feel thick with worry and heavy with responsibility. some days, honest to god, all i can do is pray that i will embrace, envelope, meditate, and learn. it feels like a gigantic learning opportunity, one i have had many times, but this one seems the final installment and yes, a challenge, and a good one.

i have this passion – actually hollye & i have this grand passion & need – this desire to pool all women together, from all walks of life, FROM EVERY WHICH WHERE – sort of like a WOMEN’S COLLECTIVE. write, embrace, share, talk about our issues, all issues, how best to help our children, the elderly, how best to galvanzie this country into a UNITED STATES. hear our differences, be open hearted about our individual stuggles, honor our choices, let it loose, ramble on. we ALL each of us, have something vital to say.

like i said, i am in awe of all my women friends.
they do truly deeply slay me.

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3 Responses to “A.W.E. – All Women Envied”

  1. Madge Woods

    I’m in. So sorry you are feeling down these past few weeks. If there is anything I can do just write me and I will. I can fly anywhere almost anytime. Fear and anxiety are so non productive. I have learned to let so much go that I can’t control and being on my own for the last 20 years has reinforced my ability to know that I can indeed take care of myself and all the rest is easy after that. Love you lots. Love your honesty and your humor, your ability to make us all feel better. Now take some of that and drag it inward to yourself. 🙂

  2. debbie

    Awww Amy, it makes me so sad to hear you’ve been down lately. I know it must be hard not to worry about Ken cause you love him so much, but he’s there, with you and you’re still together and you still have the love of your life. Time goes by so fast doesn’t it? As for moms, I’ve shared with you before, mine wasn’t easy either. But I loved her so much. I so want to write about her and I have so much fear about it at the same time … but there is a story there that could help other women/girls, etc. And as for my mommie, I hope she’s happy somewhere in the ether/heaven, and at peace because her life was always a struggle. Miss you much, love you much.
    p.s. i’ve read your and Hollye’s blog – love it. And your passion to pool women together in a big ol lovefest is truly already a reality.


  3. Hollye Dexter

    Dear one,

    I know that you, and I, and so many others, are just being molded, re-formed, re-cast into a better version of ourselves but it hurts- the Universe squishing, poking and prodding us. I wish there were an easier way to grow our courage muscles…

    I know we’ll all be better for it.

    I know you, in giving voice to your own fears and disappointments, are giving others the courage to do the same.

    I know your destiny is deep and profound, and you will continue to touch other’s lives in deeply meaningful ways.

    Love you.

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