HeartVille, my valentine for mark zuckerberg

dear mark,
i heart you.
you’re probably thinking, “oh shit, another freak female stalker who wants to friend me and then show up at my house and tie me up and rob me blind.”
uh uh. that’s not me. i’m not the crazyville stalker.
i don’t even wanna sleep with you, nor have i envisioned you naked. and quite honestly, it’s not you, it’s me,
i’m happily, happily HAPPILY married.
well, maybe not 365 days a year … maybe more like 342 days a year. the other few scattered days, i’m generally upping my zoloft, but those days (thankfully) are few and far between now. all this to say, i love my husband, and OMG, he’s not even on facebook. he doesn’t have a facebook page, or maybe… uh oh, just… maybe he does, and maybe i’ll find that out one day and then we’ll get divorced on facebook and he’ll have virtually no friends left because i will rip him a frickin’ asshole…

okay. i know. i know… i sound like a stalker from crazyville. i know. i know.

it’s so easy to go off on a poking tangent.

(after all, this blog, this valentine is FOR YOU.)

but before i tell you why i heart you so deeply … i just want you to know that you have probably changed the jewish household mother/daughter landscape more than you ever, ever imagined. i don’t know if you’re quite old enough to remember when all jewish mothers would tell their daughters, “please, for god sake, make me happy, marry a doctor.” now they say, “please, for god sake, find and marry a mr. farmville, or a mr. toyville, or a mr. potatoheadville, someone who will grow virtual trees and gardens and vegetables, and sell you virtual animals to put on your virtual farm, someone who will make a ton of money out of virtual crap. fuck doctors. find that virtual farmer man – but for god sake, make sure he’s circumsized.”

seriously, this is why i heart you:

there are a ton of women (and a few guys) that i would have never ever known – ever – not in a million frickin’ years if it weren’t for facebook. the list is fairly long: melody and hollye, and troy and linda, and amy wise, and spring warren and stacy and tracy and cheryl and rose and david lacy and jesse, and maxee, and madge and kristine and erin and julie and barbara and gigi and eva and andie and krista and gregory ann and amy f, amy l, and amy e., and kathleen, and stephanie and frances, and carol, and richard, and jody and marcia and debbie and lois and patty and tom and mitchell and debra and rachel and monica and sivan and jas and nicole and … barbara radecki and ingrid and cynthia and robin and sharon and JEFFREY.
and ALL the brilliant, creative, stunning iPinion folks…
and ALL the StyleSubstanceSoul gorgeous amazing women…
and All the spirited women…
and ALL the middle-ages blog post sexy WOMEN
and

on and on… AND ON.

all because of you. mark zuckerberg.

i would have never known them, never, ever. and now i can’t imagine life without them. i love them. madly. truly. deeply. with all my heart. they fill me, encourage me, inspire me, save me on a daily basis. holy shit batman.

and the truth is, it’s very easy to poo-poo facebook. OMG. to get freaked out about transparency and who knows what about me now, and no more secrets, and being friended and then de-friended, and who is snooping and all the shit we all talk about, yes, behind your facebook.

but i thank you.
i heart you.

i will toast you tonight.

all my love and virtual valentine’s,

amy ferris

Category: Uncategorized 6 comments »

6 Responses to “HeartVille, my valentine for mark zuckerberg”

Madge Woods
March 18th, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Are you running out of ideas Miss Amy? This is a repeat. Love you though but I want something new.
jenne andrews
March 18th, 2011 at 5:12 pm
hi amy– this was great great fun– i just reconnected w/ my old minnesota writing friends most of whom have become famous since i left in ’78– i decided to self-publish my memoir Nightfall in Verona on my blog and then go w/ blog to book, as I’m 62 and don’t feel well– and it’s so heartening to get read! And to have friends. xxj All best to you! xxxJenne’
Iris
March 19th, 2011 at 12:35 am
Perhaps you should be Marrying Mark Zuckerberg instead of George Clooney. Mark is the world’s youngest BILLIONAIRE. Such a catch! If you don’t want him, I’m going to write the sequel to your book 🙂
Deb McGrath
March 19th, 2011 at 11:24 am
I loved the list of friends and I loved that you put your appreciating out there. How many times do we tell people that they made a difference in our lives?
Barbara@TheMiddleAges
March 19th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Amen! Amen! I so so so so agree with you and this Valentine and all the joys and benefits and gifts and FRIENDS, new and old reunited.

Thanks for being such an integral part of the goddess circle. Love you xoxo!!
Cathy
April 4th, 2011 at 12:52 pm
So funny and so true! Marry a doctor or lawyer — a professional — was what I heard from my Jewish mother growing up. I married a loser, but that’s another story. About a decade later, I’m looking for a kind guy, most likely a techie, basically a nerd. No more actors, artists or athletes for me (the A words are out). Who would of thunk it? Great post. Thanks Amy!