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seeing the ME in shaME
okay.
so…
in the past 24 hours this is what i have thought about, spoken about, shared, & done:
i posted a request on facebook (for folks to buy & read my book), and after a few hours, removed the request. it felt uncomfortable – so very uncomfortable – to ask.
i started writing a letter to someone who did something profoundly nasty & shitty to me, and after a few sentences, and attempts, i ripped the letter up (well, not really, i tossed it in the trash bin on my computer and then emptied the bin, never to be retrieved again). i felt like i wasn’t being, you know, ‘the good girl.’
i said yes when i should have said no.
i said “that’s okay” when in truth it wasn’t.
i didn’t ask for help when i needed help.
i underestimated myself.
i underpriced myself.
i overwhelmed myself.
i was shamed into donating 20 bucks by an overbearing humorless snarky telemarketer.
i did not tell an acquaintance to fuck off.
i did not tell my husband “bravo, baby, bravo” to something he FINALLY completed because at that point i did not feel like being generous.
and as i sit here, sharing this … i think about the friends i spoke with yesterday who shared with me their shame & pain & vulnerability and fuck-ups and downs, and i think:
how glorious – truly deeply GLORIOUS – to be able to share YOUR WHOLE LIFE – the good, the bad, the not so attractive stuff.
you know, THE UNIVERSAL LIFE-STUFF that connects us.
Category: Uncategorized 11 comments »
March 19th, 2011 at 12:32 pm
This is the Amy I know and love. Speak your truth sister friend. You will always feel better. Too old to hold back.
March 19th, 2011 at 12:42 pm
On the opening night of your play, you are really going to see, physically, how connected to you we all are. Because you’ve always been so open and true..because you’ve shared your good, bad and your funny- we are yours.
And we will continue to read, and share and shout from the rooftops how we love your beautiful book!
March 19th, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I am so grateful to you. You are hearing my good, my bad, my beautiful, my not so pretty….and you are right there to hold me up and help me grow. That my friend is love. Pure love. You are truly my angel. A.
March 19th, 2011 at 2:11 pm
the good, the bad and the ugly. yesterday you told me that I didn’t have to be BRAVE…not being brave is the same as showing your shame…your vulnerable spots. I am obsessive about being BRAVE, about doing it all myself, about helping others (that truly brings me joy) and denying others who want to help me. This idea of SHAME is probably the most common of common threads that connect us to one another. To share it is to have faith in yourself and faith in others…I think we are all developing more faith than we had before.
I adore you and give thanks…
March 19th, 2011 at 3:04 pm
hey aimsters! you gotta “friend” me … i finally got on facebook. Go to dandebbie nunez@facebook.com. I LOVE YOU AND I’M GONNA PUT A BIG OL PLUG FOR MARRYING GEORGE CLOONEY ON MY FACEBOOK!!!!
XOXO
Deb
p.s. and i have influence … friends in high places ….
March 19th, 2011 at 5:29 pm
This is THE PERFECT time for me to read this. I am in the process of writing a letter that I’ve been putting off for three years, all because I was trying to protect my aunt and uncle’s image, keep the truth from my cousins’ view of them. “Don’t say anything to hurt someone.” In the end, I feel ashamed of my self and have indeed, hurt my own self, shamed myself for not being right out there. Now they are ashamed of me and they don’t even know why, although there is no reason for me to feel ashamed. Shame on me! I’m not going to live in shame!!!! It’s about telling the truth.
You beautiful, open, loving, supportive hubs of Ms. Ferris Wheel – I love you all. And yes, Hollye’s right, you will see on your opening night exactly what you have created Ms. Amy. The power of love.
And so much to you……..
March 20th, 2011 at 10:30 am
My dear Amy–Living out here on the West Coast where everything is always so PC and nice-nice, it feels SO good to read the honest-to-goodness/badness confessions of a fellow Long Island Jewish Buddhist. What you wrote here–that’s an average day for me. Except for the $20 donation to the humorless telemarketer…Whatever possessed you??? 🙂
March 20th, 2011 at 10:34 am
Dearest Amy…
I wonder now if you are tired of my comments?..but still I will forge ahead and say what Im thinking. There must be some pressure to always be the leader..some stress to forever having so many of us tell you how near perfect you are..how much we adore you and how you are a sort of symbol for all that we want to be. I know I have idolized you to such a point that you may be sick of hearing it.
Having said that…I can only hope that you realize it is not the perfection of you that brings us all to our knees in front of you..but the dear imperfection that you show us and as always let us know that our own imperfections are acceptable as well…and indeed make up who we are as individuals. You have always loved us without question and we feel the same towards you. If I thought that I could never be allowed a day of frustration, or anger, or limited patience, I don’t think I could enjoy those precious days when all is right and good and every little hair falls into place ..and I have time for everyone and love abounds.
We are lucky because we still have time to tell those people in our lives how wonderful they are and re-do the little wrongs we may have done the day before. I love that you say you were bullied into donating 20.00 and wish you hadnt. I donated to red cross the maximum amount in our paypal account of 2500.00! Its not that its not going to a cause that I believe in..I do! In fact I wish I could donate more…No..its not that..Its that I did it in an emotional state and didnt even talk it over with my other half to see if its ok! I was amazed and how sweetly and lovingly he reacted…telling me…its ok as I burst into tears ..but next time..just to please talk to him about it!! I know in my heart..if that action has been reversed I would have been angry with him!!
Now we are tapped for donation..but I dont regret the action.
After reading your blog..I feel like “it was ok”..maybe more than ok…just one of those impetuous moments that happens. We all have days like that.
As long as You know you are loved..and loved without restrictions..loved no matter what …loved because YOU are YOU…then who cares that you had a moment of doubt…or pause…or uncertainty?
I can assure you..YOU are loved!
xoxox
March 20th, 2011 at 8:34 pm
Hi,
I’m a random stranger who came across your book on Amazon.com Friday night while sitting on my Amazon.com barstool trying to figure out which book held all the answers to whatever the hell was happening to me. I looked inside your book and dissolved into fits of laughter. Of course, I bought the book right away and gave thanks to the universe that I fell for Amazon’s two-day shipping promo back in January. Today, I thought I’d try to learn a little bit more about who this hilarious author is…and here I am…and you write about a request for people to buy and read your book. So, I thought I’d let you know that I bought it Friday night and can’t wait to read it in full. Just the first few pages and other snippets improved my weekend and made me feel less alone. So, thank you. And I will spread the word.
March 21st, 2011 at 9:00 am
and “Welcome!” New Mid-Life Crisis Member!
March 22nd, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Who Says
Amy, I just heard Selena Gomez sing this on Ellen. It made me think of you and this post. I love the lyrics and the catchy melody sticks in your mind = positive self-talk! We need more of that for sure.
You made me insecure
Told me I wasn’t good enough
But who are you to judge
When you’re a diamond in the rough
I’m sure you got some things
You’d like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn’t want to be anybody else
Who says
Who says you’re not perfect
Who says you’re not worth it
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting
Trust me
That’s the price of beauty
Who says you’re not pretty
Who says you’re not beautiful
Who says
http://www.karaoke-lyrics.net/lyrics/selena-gomez/selena-gomez-the-scene-who-says-221710