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a place called maybe
i want you all to raise your hands if you’re an impatient person.
i want a head count.
okay.
you in the back, come on, come on… i can see you.
good.
I AM AN IMPATIENT PERSON.
i’m not sure if this is a learned thing, or a taught thing, or an immature child-like kinda thing, or a DNA kinda thing, or a getting older, not wiser kinda thing. my mother was completely impatient. she wanted everything NOW. as in: this minute. now. right now. and if she didn’t get it right now this minute she would become disinterested, disengaged … distant.
my dad was impatient. he was a worrier. if you were ten minutes late, honest to god, he would call the hospital to see if you were lying in a coma somewhere, and then then when you showed up he would be pacing back & forth, tapping the face of his watch. if i’m not mistaken, it was at my brother’s (first) wedding – the rabbi was going on and on and on about marriage and fidelity and rituals, when my father looked the rabbi straight in the eye, tapped the face of his watch, as if to say: “come on, come on…. COME ON, let’s wrap it up.”
impatience.
for me it manifests in the world of maybe. that crazy whacky town with too many stop signs and flashing lights. where seventy degree weather & massive snow storms seem to be the norm weekly.
that in between place where your mind goes back & forth between joy & fear, doubt & confidence, good news & bad news, yes & no, oh my god & oh my fucking god, hello darkness my old friend & you are the sunshine of my life, hope & despair.
ken reminds me that maybe is the place where anything & everything is possible.
ken takes more drugs than i do.
Category: Uncategorized 10 comments »
March 23rd, 2011 at 10:51 am
My hand is up and I am waving it madly. It has GOT to be an age thing because I swear I didn’t use to be this way. My latest weirdness is pushing buttons on the radio in my car like a mad person the SECOND a song stops and they start talking. I wasn’t even aware of it until my daughter was riding with me and pointed it out. Now I am aware of it…but don’t care.
March 23rd, 2011 at 11:50 am
Anxiety can take all forms. Up the drugs, Amy. They work.:)
March 23rd, 2011 at 11:53 am
Maybe IS a good plass to be!! Fear is the opposite of Faith!! Maybe is better than being in the darkness, waiting is the hardest part!! Isn’t that a song? Is it impatience or anticipation?
Again a song!!
LIVE FEARLESSLY, easier said than done.
XOXOXOXOXOXXOX
March 23rd, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I say it is a learned thing. My Dad was impatient..my Dad had ZERO patience..for anything!! I am like my Dad..NOW is not fast enough for me..I wait for no one!!! That has always been my motto….well……that ….. and “the shortest distance between any 2 points is a straight line”! That is the ONLY thing I remember from all those years of any kind of math…because that one statement summed me up so perfectly!!! I was a missle looking for a target..always!!
When my Dad became very very ill…he opened up to me as he never had before..not in 42 years had we ever had a “real” conversation as we did before he passed away..and the one thing he told me was…basically..he loved me..he was proud of me…(this had me in complete tears) and lastly..to slow down and enjoy…(he didnt say “stop and smell the roses”..thats too cliche…and Dad was a lot of things..but Cliche’ was not one of them)..I remember him telling me..that he regretted the time he wasted being mad..being impatient.and just not being happy. “I wasted so much precious time”. Thats what I remember..so well. So now..I am no longer impatient..(at least most the time)..I stop..and think..and tell myself how grateful I am to have this moment…whether its in a car at a long stop light..or waiting for my daughter to change her shirt for the 100th time before we can go to the store..I stop… and I tell myself..this is precious..all of this is precious..every single moment…has in itself..a reason..it all in time with the Universe and where I am at that moment..is where I am supposed to be…
I still have my days of rushing..and hurrling myself thru the day..but I am much better than I used to be…much much better.
March 23rd, 2011 at 3:41 pm
I bow at the altar of Ken.
He is a wise Mofo.
March 23rd, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Not the impatient type until recently. How can a preschool teacher of 25 years be inpatient! But what I discovered was the less I drove into civilization the more crazed I got when there. I was used to commuting 120 miles a day R/T did it with my eyes closed but realized it was with commuters not people out for the day. Who the hell goes out for day anymore driving with these gas prices. Same thing on Holidays~don’t they know yet where they are going for the same turkey dinner. So lately I am out driving again, I thought the winter was over, oh did I mention that civilization is 25 miles in any given direction. Thankfully I blast music. Now Bums and patience don’t mix, Amy and Ken know that well, LOL. Didn’t someone once say~ opposites attract. Great Blog.
March 23rd, 2011 at 5:29 pm
“ken reminds me that maybe is the place where anything & everything is possible.
ken takes more drugs than i do.”
Gotta Love Ken!
‘Perfection’ AMY, this blog is mere perfection!!
GOD!!! I love you!
March 24th, 2011 at 2:58 am
I tried to be impatient but I couldn’t wait.
March 24th, 2011 at 9:57 am
@ Deb McGrath – LOL!
March 24th, 2011 at 4:46 pm
patience is as patience does…sits on it’s ass and gets little to nothing done.