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a little me goes a long way
today i had a fight with myself.
oh, go fuck yourself amy.
no no… you, amy, you go fuck yourself.
trust me it was a no win.
today i was unkind to myself.
i was.
i was unforgiving & i treated me with great disdain.
today i was mean spirited & lacked generosity toward myself.
i berated myself.
and then i caught myself.
i stopped.
i stopped.
I.
STOPPED.
and i closed my eyes:
and i thought, “no. oh no. you do not get to treat yourself badly. you do not get to mistreat yourself. you do not beat yourself to a pulp. oh. no.”
no.
no.
no.
not now.
no more.
and then each voice went quiet:
my mother.
my brother.
my father.
bad boyfriends.
toxic friends.
and i heard myself – myself -breathing.
my breathing.
my own breathing.
and then i heard
hollye
kristine
troy
amy wise
amy friedman
kathleen
barbara
ken
monica
randy
peter
kedren
elizabeth
robyn
marcia
linda
maxee
julie
madge
carol
RICHARD
and …
their goodness & kindness & love & generosity & sweetness…
i found my voice.
and i apologized to me.
and i accepted the apology.
Category: Uncategorized 10 comments »
May 11th, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I love you Amy Ferris. And I am so glad you talked yourself out of being mean to yourself. You are too good to let this happen anymore. When this happens picture a broom and sweep out the thoughts right away. With enough sweeping it becomes unconscious and truly the thoughts disappear. xoxoxoxoxox
May 11th, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Oh I love this, and I love that I’m one of the good voices in your head, as you are in mine.
And hey- no more beating up on my friend!
May 11th, 2011 at 11:27 pm
…..and then you took a bath. =) Love you!!!!
May 12th, 2011 at 8:05 am
meltdown, ug, it must be the pollen in the air or something!!! We love You so amy!!!
May 13th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Beautiful Amy. Tell the negative voices to go away and take a lunch break. What would we do without our beautiful support network of love? You are a goddess of love.
May 13th, 2011 at 10:19 pm
You are so brilliant – because you say what WE are all thinking. You take us with gente love and humor through our worst nightmares – and then lead us home to our hearts. I just love you soooooooooo much! I do.
May 16th, 2011 at 5:28 pm
I was away for the weekend so didn’t get to read this till now. But it is timely (funny how that works!). Thanks for getting yourself back again and showing me how it’s done. Needed it!!! xoxo
May 20th, 2011 at 11:29 am
This was simply BEAUTIFUL. WOW.
May 20th, 2011 at 12:13 pm
I’m tearing up from this one!
I was JUST meditating not 5 minutes ago. And I was sending love to all my friends. And I was just blown away at all the amazing people in my life.
Isn’t it the best feeling?!
You’ve attracted those people because you yourself are amazing.
That stupid voice has nothing on the real you!
Can’t wait to meet you!!!!!
May 25th, 2011 at 9:48 pm
Thankfully you heard yourself and accepted you. This is what I call a slap of love. You Ms. Ferris are greatly loved.