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a good man
you all know how much i love my husband. i frickin’ love him to the moon & back. and this week – this week – i got to see how truly, deeply stunning he is as a human being.
he & his son have been having at hard time these past few years. talking, not talking. it’s a long story, and i won’t bore you, but suffice it to say this week we all spent 2 days together. here. at home. 48 hours.
i of course was totally into panic mode. i went from los angeles to holy shit in a few seconds flat. i could feel the anxiety & fear & worry & doubt creep into all my muscles & joints & nerve endings. ken calmed me down. he looked at me and said, “stop trying to figure it all out. let it just fucking happen the way it should.”
uh oh.
no, not that.
you mean…
let go?
surrender?
let faith do it’s work?
what are you kidding me?
then who would i be? certainly not me. not amy.
but i did.
i let go.
i also took xanax, so i let go a bit on the woozy side.
and it was stunning.
i watched two men – my step son & my husband – respect each other, like each other, talk – really talk – to each other. hang out, go out, laugh, joke, watch the Mets. i witnessed my ken, my great amazing ken, being a great father. and i witnessed his son, being a great son.
this is what ken has taught me in 20 years:
letting go doesn’t mean giving up.
worth is much different than value, value is all about self-worth.
hemorrhoids are much different than colon cancer.
heaven is right here on earth.
hell is in your heart.
gardeners are mostly patient & nurturing and writers are sometimes crazy fucking loons but oh so very hip & cool.
confidence is way different than arrogance.
barneys is much better than bloomingdales.
faith is completely different than being in control.
and last but oh so not least, the GPS girl is much more sane & much kinder to ken than i am when he is driving.
and when i said to ken, just a few minutes ago, wow, you’re such a great father, he said, no, amy, but i’m a good man.
so here’s to the good men out there.
there are plenty walking this gorgeous amazing earth.
happy father’s day, ken.
i fucking adore you.
Category: Uncategorized 7 comments »
June 18th, 2011 at 7:46 pm
*sigh*
This makes me very, very happy.
June 18th, 2011 at 8:30 pm
proud as punch of both of you…how you work together, negotiate, trust, listen, fight and stick out even the hardest of hard stuff.
We are in the midst of “letting go”, and understanding that by doing so doesn’t make us weak or unsafe. It makes us nicer people to be around.
Bless you and the man you sleep with.
June 18th, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Oh my sweet Amy.!!
..HERE’S to a good man..AND the good woman he chose to share the rest of his life with! Cheers!
xxoxoxxoxo
June 19th, 2011 at 1:47 am
WOW I prompt you to write a blog and I get the most beautiful words today. I love you Amy Ferris and I also love Ken. He is such a gentle soul and quiet listener. When we were all together he let all the women talk and he quietly sat with us and listened. The best.
June 19th, 2011 at 1:54 am
Writing about your husband is much the same as writing about the dialysis of the heart, the way the words seem to play hide and seek with a myriad of emotions, much as healing would, the blood rising, the blood flowing, a life saved, cherished, prayers for the living, the dialysis of the heart….
That Amy Ferris does this with loving kindness, sans a hint of bashful hesitation, is a testament to the love, long known, long felt, for her husband, for her Ken, her friend, and so much, the very soul of her life.
That Amy Ferris is down here on lonely earth with all the rest of us, is my friend, whispers to all that I have reaped.
That Amy Ferris writes this way is a blessing, her words, all of them…
June 19th, 2011 at 1:55 am
Writing about your husband is much the same as writing about the dialysis of the heart, the way the words seem to play hide and seek with a myriad of emotions, much as a healing would, the blood rising, the blood flowing, a life saved, cherished, prayers for the living, the dialysis of the heart….
That Amy Ferris does this with loving kindness, sans a hint of bashful hesitation, is a testament to the love, long known, long felt, for her husband, for her Ken, her friend, and so much, the very soul of her life.
That Amy Ferris is down here on lonely earth with all the rest of us, is my friend, whispers to all that I have reaped.
That Amy Ferris writes this way is a blessing, her words, all of them…
June 20th, 2011 at 10:35 am
LOVE your columns… LOVE the line about the GPS girl! I was sooooo jealous of her at first. Garmin and Blackberry – the Other Women in my life!