i don’t mind the dance shows, the idol shows, the singing… i don’t mind that.
those shows are filled with hope & courage & the message, “anything is possible.”
i don’t mind those TV shows.
i don’t watch them much. but every so often when i’m sitting in front of my TV, and i’m channel surfing, i catch a glimpse.

the other night i caught a glimpse of the real housewives of new jersey.
omg. i never realized that one can own/wear a diamond the same size as a breast implant.
and then, because, yes, i’m a glutton, i caught a glimpse of 16 and pregnant. or 15 and pregnant. or whatever the fuck that title of that TV show is. you know the one where babies are having babies.

and i gotta say this TV stuff, for me, is so fucking nauseating.

i live in a community where kids are getting pregnant by the dozens. little girls having sex, then boom… getting pregnant. they’re 14, 15, 16. they’re not using protection, they’re not using birth control. and then low and behold, they find out they’re pregnant. and they have the babies. abortion is not a choice for them. abortion is evil and horrific and yes we have billboards and information that warns and tells and reminds the importance of LIFE.

PRO-LIFE billboards.

i have just about had it with all this PRO-LIFE rhetoric. first of all, any human being who has the great fortune to wake up every single day is PRO-LIFE. let’s get that straight. any human being who wakes up, breathes, drinks coffee, kisses their husband, their wife, their partner, their kids, their pets, gets in a car, goes to work, school, the grocery store, the deli, the bus stop, the train… any human being who greets the day with eyes wide open is – in my book – PRO FUCKING LIFE. and for anyone to tell me that because of certain decisions, opinions, choices i make in my life, my pro-life, makes me less pro-life needs a lesson in humanity.


having a baby at 15 or 16 means, a) you are not protecting yourself from any and all possibility of disease. whether it’s sexually transmitted or HIV, you are not caring enough about your own life. you aren’t. you are not PRO “YOUR OWN” LIFE. you gotta become PRO “YOUR OWN” LIFE, otherwise you’re gonna end up being 28 years old with a 13 year old kid that you may or may not resent for the rest of BOTH YOUR LIVES. who wins in that situation? certainly not you. and most definitely – MOST DEFINITELY – NOT YOUR CHILD.
that’s called a NON PRO-DUCTIVE LIFE.

THINK before you have sex with that boy. think FUTURE. think PRO “YOUR OWN” LIFE, and think PRO “HIS” LIFE.
do not give it away.
do not sell yourself short.
do not say yes when every single bone in your body is screaming no.
do not think you are unlovable if you’re not ready to love someone.

snooky is not a role model.
the housewives of new jersey and new york and hollywood and malibu and short hills, they are not role models.

hollye dexter is a role model.
marcia g. yerman is a role model.
kristine van raden is a role model.
gloria steinem is a role model.
cindy stine is a role model.
laurenne sala is a role model
tracy thomas is a role model.
erin & beth are role models.
debra de angelo is a role model.
jesse loren is a role model.
amy friedman is a role model.
denise tremaine is a role model.
melody george is a role model.
kathleen bumball is a role model.
cindy stine is a role model.
monica holloway is a role model.
hope edelman is a role model.

barbara grufferman, marianne schnall, suzanne braun levine, eve ensler… role models.
krista, brooke, sivan, andie, eva, tracy, spring, maxee, judy, georgie, kathy, carol … all role models.

brooke elise axell is a role model.

julie & mary are role models.

these are women (and girls) who lead by example. they are smart & wise, & kind & generous & profound. they are stunning & vibrant & powerful & brave.

we need to educate girls and boys that life is all about choices, decisions, turning left or right, saying yes AND no, opinions, thinking for yourself, making mistakes and LEARNING from them, turning poison into medicine, good and bad, smart and dumb, right and wrong.

and maybe just maybe the reason i get so frickin’ crazy nuts about this is because i was that 15 year old.
i didn’t say no.
i wanted to be loved. feel loved. feel wanted.

to be included.

i was that girl.

and the choice that i made – MY CHOICE, MY DECISION, MY PRO “MY-OWN” LIFE decision – as a young impressionable, unhappy girl had everything to do with wanting to be able to make many, many more choices by the time i became a woman.

every child deserves to be wanted.
really truly deeply profoundly wanted.
protect yourself and them.

you both deserve an extraordinary future.

Category: Uncategorized 7 comments »

7 Responses to “PRO “YOUR OWN” LIFE”

  1. Denise Tremaine

    Amy – you are so, so right…I have worked with these girls…several of them flat out told me they would be pregnant by a certain date, and most of them were…all of them kept their babies…and they got all kinds of attention when they came to school with the babies and their “air jordan” tennis shoes…everyone oohed and aahed….but it wasn’t the same when they came back in 6 months, and by a year they were calling me saying they couldn’t’ get their homework done, and what a mistake they had made in having a child so young…I’m not sure the 16 and pregnant show does anything but glorify these young women…thanks once again Amy, for telling it just as it is…16 is too young to have a child.

  2. Madgew

    Thanks Amy for this breath of fresh air and for including me. You are the best.

  3. kristine

    RIGHT ON WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE: OMG, I couldn’t agree with you more, or be more moved by your piece. I am thinking, right this moment, of walking down the street to the gaggle of young women who sit on the street corner smoking and chumming for boys. Desperation and naivety make for really bad bed fellows. Young girls don’t really want to end up in bed, let alone pregnant. Like you and me and countless others they just want to know they matter. Okay…here I go.

  4. Lori Landau

    Amy Ferris: YOU are a role model. for your HONESTY and your GRATITUDE and your WISDOM and your blatant intention to SHARE it all. AMEN to this post………

  5. Krista

    The women of Seal Press thank you. Thanks for being a role model and for speaking out.

  6. Debbie

    EXCELLENT POST Amy! I am so with you on this one. But what has always amazed me is that any young girl can get birth control FREE!!!!!!! I don’t get it. How much discipline does it take to take a pill every day?????? TAKE A PILL – NO BABY! Sadly, I think it goes deeper than that for these girls … they do want to feel loved, wanted, etc. and have not yet realized that they can do that for themselves … so sad.

  7. Terry Ranis

    Thank you for saying it OUT LOUD!!! I am not sure why I have to care about everyone else in the world’s choices. I have a hard enough time keeping track of my own.

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