big girl panties

i wanted a cigarette.

holy mother of god, i wanted a cigarette yesterday. it’s been almost ten years now, and i swear, i wanted a cigarette. a newport light woulda been swell.

i wanted to light up and inhale and exhale and sit at a bar with some perfect strangers. i wanted to smoke & drink & watch reality television because holy shit REALITY TELEVISION would have made me feel better because all this crap that’s been circulating online has made me, you know, flip the fuck out. i even brought ken into my fear bubble, and he said, “oh, amy, the entire dialogue is gonna to be plastered all over the news tonight… no escaping it.”

uh oh.

but and this is a big fucking BUT – if i lit up, i would have completely fallen off. it wouldn’t have been just one cigarette. it would have been two, three… then a pack. so, i didn’t light up.

willpower rocks.

holy shit. what a huge hot button topic. huge. everyone and i mean everyone has something to say about it and… rightfully so. rightfully so. why not? this effects so many people. most people. most people i know, anyway.

and, i mean, everywhere i looked, turned… were these quotes:

“CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?”
“THIS IS KILLING US!”
“EXPOSE THE TRUTH, WHY DON’T YA?”
“HOW DO YOU SPELL RELIEF?”
“IT’S TIME TO JOIN A CHRISTIAN GROUP NOW.”
“THIS IS JUST LIKE JERRY SPRINGER, BUT MEANER”
“SURVIVAL OF THE SHITTIEST.”
“HELL HATH NO FURY…”
“STOP THE CRAZINESS!!!!!!!”
“WELCOME TO THE MOTHER (FUCKING) LODE.”

“HOW WILL IT FEEL TO LOSE ALL CREDIBILITY?”

boy did i want a cigarette.
omfg.
but i held my ground. and shut off my computer. well, that’s NOT true, i put it to sleep. (sorta like we both take an ambien.)
and we both – along with myKen, iKen – went to bed.

but this is what i woke up to first thing this morning when i turned on my computer. this – THIS – was in the subject line of an email to me:

AMY FERRIS, IF THIS DOESN’T END SOON…

okay, so… my opinion. my 2 cents. my feelings:

THIS WHOLE FUCKED UP DEBT-CEILING CRISIS… “HE SAID, SHE SAID, I’M RIGHT, YOU’RE SO WRONG; FUCK YOU, NO, NO FUCK YOU… is yes JUST LIKE JERRY SPRINGER BUT MEANER, AND HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A FEW TEA PARTY BROADS NAMED MICHELLE AND SARAH, AND HOLY SHIT, YOU BET YOUR ASS THIS IS KILLING US AND WE ARE LOSING OUR CREDIBILITY AND MAN OH MAN IT BETTER END SOON, and HOPEFULLY HOPEFULLY we will ALL get some relief from the craziness.”

republicans & democrats.
you’d think they were blood related.

Category: Uncategorized 5 comments »

5 Responses to “big girl panties”

Hollye Dexter
July 27th, 2011 at 4:09 pm
What unites us is greater than what divides us.
LOVE.

I’m staying rooted there, no political foes, nor mean spirited folks shall move me. And I know you’re always right here with me.

LOVE YOU, you beautiful democrat, you.
Monica Holloway
July 27th, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Dearest Amy – This for you. Your bravery. Your courage to touch the wound that nobody wants to acknowledge. YOU ARE RIGHT. YOUR TRUTH IS EXACTLY RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW. I love you so fucking much.

DO NOT BE ASHAMED
by Wendell Berry

“You will be walking some night
in the comfortable dark of your yard
and suddenly a great light will shine
round about you, and behind you
will be a wall you never saw before.
It will be clear to you suddenly
that you were about to escape,
and that you are guilty: you misread
the complex instructions, you are not
a member, you lost your card
or never had one. And you will know
that they have been there all along,
their eyes on your letters and books,
their hands in your pockets,
their ears wired to your bed.
Though you have done nothing shameful,
they will want you to be ashamed.
They will want you to kneel and weep
and say you should have been like them.
And once you say you are ashamed,
reading the page they hold out to you,
then such light as you have made
in your history will leave you.
They will no longer need to pursue you.
You will pursue them, begging forgiveness.
They will not forgive you.
There is no power against them.
It is only candor that is aloof from them,
only an inward clarity, unashamed,
that they cannot reach. Be ready.
When their light has picked you out
and their questions are asked, say to them:
“I am not ashamed.” A sure horizon
will come around you. The heron will begin
his evening flight from the hilltop.”
Madgew
July 27th, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Monica, that said it and Hollye’s too but of course I have more to say. As my friends say “What would Madge Stein Woods say (MSW)?”

Who throws a party for a total stranger? I do. Who finds a friend across the US? I do. Who trusts someone I met? I do. And who will defend to their death a friend who clearly has told her truth through thick and thin, through pain and heartache? I will.

Love you Amy. You are a friend worth defending, loving , trusting and just being with all the time whether it is by phone or in person.
Missi
July 27th, 2011 at 5:10 pm
wow.

That’s all I could muster last night. So little, it didn’t seem worth adding.

However, today I have two things.

One-atta girl, Amy!

Two-wonderful tie in!

It’s not just how we interact with our siblings; it’s how we interact with everyone. It’s about Respect for others.
kristine
July 28th, 2011 at 2:28 am
thinking that a cigarette and a martini with 3 olives sounds like an excellent way to face the debt-ceililng crisis…never can tell what those crazy f**kers are gonna find acceptable and in the best interest of THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.