the WE in WomEn

so i get a reading by a woman who yes, is a psychic, and she tells me a bunch of great stuff. good stuff. exciting stuff. contracts & work, and success, and more writing, and cool things about ken, and some stuff about my grandfather that no one would or could ever, ever know unless they knew him and since he’s been gone since 1971…so that sort of freaks me out, but still, and then she says some stuff that’s inspiring and hopeful and then…then… she says, you have a few friends in your life, a few women, maybe… i see 4, 4 women… who are jealous of you, they don’t wish you well… please, stay away from them. they’re toxic. they drain you. i see them talking about you. i can see them. i can’t make them out, they’re in shadow… but yes they are not your friends.

okey. dokey.
it’s like a mystery unraveling.

women friends.
this is something i have wanted to write about for a long time. i’ve certainly had my share of conversations about women friends, women co-workers, women associates.

if you notice, there is both the word ME and WE in women. and then the word MEN. me, we, men.
oh, just an observation.

true, it’s true, there are women friends who don’t wish you well. they don’t. they may seem like they do. but they’re never really happy for you. they cringe at your success. they’re jealous and petty, and catty and speak ill of you to everyone. behind your back. they leave a trail of text messages….there are friends that yes, wish you well when you’re terminally ill. there are women out there like that.

i know one or two.

true, yes, it’s true, there are women friends who yes will go after the job you want. they will. you’ll tell them about this great wonderful amazing gig, and they smile and tell you to go for it, GO FOR IT! and then they themselves call the editor, or publisher and say, hey… i heard about this gig, i’d be perfect for it. and you do find out. you do. because chances are you’re friends with, or you know the person who your friend in fact called. there are friends out there that want what you have. period. they are not happy for you. when you struggle, they feel powerful. there are women like that.

i know one or two.

true, there are some women friends who will never, ever, ever recommend you for a job. never.
true, there are some women friends who need to keep you small so they can feel big and powerful AND better than you.
true, there are some women friends who will never, not in this lifetime throw you a life-line because you are the one always there for them. they count on YOU to take care of them, to be there for THEM.
true, there are some women friends who do not root you on, lift you up, support your dreams, offer help. they take much more than they care to give.

there are women who are profoundly threatened by, jealous of, and weary of other women.
it’s true. a fact. statistically, i just read, it’s something like 1 out of 3 women.

so, yes, maybe there are a few women in my circle who don’t really wish me well, are jealous. talk bad about me.

yeah, sure.

and when i heard this woman/psychic say that, the first place i went to was: holy shit, who are they? let me go through my entire list of women friends and see which one’s…
and then i stopped.
and i thought of the traits that make women less appealing as friends. and i thought, you know what, instead of trying to mentally track down these no good catty broads… i’m gonna try something different.

when i myself feel a twinge of jealousy toward another woman for having succeeded at something, or accomplished something, instead of running toward the jealousy banner…i’m gonna close my eyes and WISH HER WELL. REALLY WISH HER WELL.
when i feel like being a little bitty catty, or mean-spirited, toward someone who might have hurt me, i will close my eyes and SEND HER LOVE, AND APPRECIATION.
when i feel like i’ve been taken advantage of, or just plain taken…i will close my eyes and wish HER HAPPINESS, THAT HER SUFFERING BE REMOVED AND BE REPLACED BY GRAND JOY.

because truth be told, each of us shares in those feelings, some much more, some much less, but we’re all capable of that jealousy, envy, pettiness, cattiness, gossip, withholding…

because, yes, we can be so very cruel to each other.
we can.

but we can also be generous beyond belief, supportive beyond measure, loving beyond words, kind beyond limitations; we women know how to rally. and my god, we women can change the world, because we women know – truly, deeply know – how to dig in deep and change ourselves.

I love the WE in WomEn.
Let’s wish each other well.

Category: Uncategorized 7 comments »

7 Responses to “the WE in WomEn”

  1. Susie Bedsow Horgan

    I love this piece – I’m sharing it on my wall. I’m proud to have you in my tribe of WomEn! xo

  2. Karen Ray

    Brilliant, Amy. Brilliant!

  3. Lori Landau

    I LOVE this. this is a practice (and it IS all a practice, isn’t it? who among us is perfect?) that I actively do in many circumstances. and it is so much better than letting your mind run away with you…..I just LOVE this.

  4. jacqui

    I am very lucky in that sense. I have only a few women period, but those are the friends that I trust with my life…my family’s life…my truths…my fears…my joy…my sadness…my maniacal humor…my wisdom…my time…and my car if they need it.

    These women are like a breath for me. They are cherished.

    Love this Amy.
    Hit the nail on the head again!

  5. ALison Caiola

    Truly, Amy you are an amazing woman,a dear friend and a heartful person. I thank you for your honestly (always) your talent (tons o’),
    your heart (big as the state of Texas) and your balls (BIGGER than the state of Texas). xoxo

  6. Debra DeAngelo

    Amy, every time I see you succeed, get on stage, go to a book signing, whatever… my heart is CHEERING for you!!!!

    Get rid of those toxic relationships… you deserve only the best!

  7. Ann Voorhees Baker

    Well said, well said, well said!! The only way to break the chain is to – just – break it. Take your lumps. Accept the hurts given to you. Then set them down, a sorrow, but not yours to carry. Try to walk away from them. ReFUSE to pass them along.

    I used to give my daughters advice something like this, when a “girlfriend” would be crappy to them (sometimes from the girl – girls can be so cruel; sometimes from the mom – moms can be so over-involved AND so cruel). I’d say, “People who are mean are unhappy or suffering themselves. Just send them a love feeling. Try to feel love and not be mad.” I felt like a total phony when I said this, because truth be told I wanted to rip the little @#$!’s face off, but there was a tiny core of me that wanted to believe it – and wanted my daughters to also.

    Thanks, Amy!

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