avatar Mount St. Helena

it was december 28th – in what now feels like a thousand years ago – and we, ken & i, got a phone call a little after 3 in the morning – our friend’s daughter had just died. just. died. an overdose. a fucking overdose. the world, the entire world, went dark. it was as if a light went out and the world stopped. she was an entire galaxy wrapped in one. she was as sassy as all get out, and filled with a spirit that only matched her incredible beauty, and sense of humor and style. she was a warrior and a worrier, she was light and dark, soft and hard. love filled and sorrow filled and she wore her heart and her pain on her sleeve, and she was only 19. i remember speaking at her funeral. i don’t remember what i said – but i do remember choking on most of the words. what do you say about a young woman who managed to change a room the minute she walked into it, how do you describe a human who was filled with all of life – every bit of it – the good, the bad, the ugly, the beauty, the awful and managed to sweep in and make you feel as if you were the most important person in her world for a minute or two or three; and change that person’s life because yes, you can do that, you can change, transform, a person’s life in a minute or two or three. a word, a touch, a gesture, a hug, a kiss.

we are here for a fraction. a sliver. a blink.

we are here on this earth and we witness moments that take our breath away, and we witness breath being taken away, and we witness the very best of humanity and the worst of humanity and we shrink and cower and we offer up hope and love and goodness and we are filled with fear and we are fearless and we must stop giving a shit what people think of us and live our lives out-loud and full-on and with as much courage and brave as we can muster and stop caring so fucking much that what we might say or might do may not make every single person happy because the truth is we are not here to please others, or cater to others, or live someone else’s life. we are not here to master suffering. we are here to be bold and audacious and fierce and mighty and be the fucking light. to stand in our shoes – our own shoes – and declare our worth, and own it and to own every bit of our lives and not just lease it – but own it out right; and if we have the chance to shine a light on another life and if it’s only for a fraction, a sliver, a blink, then that’s what we do.

we shine a light for however long we are here.

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