gotta have friends…
i’ve decided, just today, that i don’t need 50 girlfriends. just 15. 15 is a good number. a strong number. not quite as sexy as say 13 or 17, but 15 is healthy, strong… enough. i have many girlfriends, but not many good slash great girlfriends. okay, maybe definitely more than 15. let me count slash name: barbara, frances, amy f., roberta, beth, robyn, kedren, karen… nancy, terri, holly, marcia, maleyne, donna… laura… maybe one or two more. maybe. oh yeah, bonny. definitely bonny. ellyn, and of course, claire. i’m naming the one’s that are my friends, that want to know how i am, the one’s that i really really like. who would be there in a heartbeat!
which brings me to this: why oh fucking why do we stay in relationships with friends – particularly women friends – that drain us, deplete us, keep us small, make us feel bad, keep us from sharing the good & the bad, put us down, discourage us, and talk nasty, cruel about other women? why oh fucking why? is it that we’re replicating the relationships with our mom? is it that we need to punish ourselves for some unforgiving stupid thing we did when we were 5 years old, or is that we don’t know how to let go of the friends and stuff that causes us pain because maybe we think if we don’t have “that” pain, then we don’t really deeply truly feel? (wow, even i feel like that was too esoterical)
i have a friend who makes me feel god awful about myself ALL THE TIME. and she drains me, and hurts me, and causes me to doubt my own greatness and generosity.
no, i don’t need an intervention — just writing it down cleared it all up. in an instant.
even i shock myself sometimes.
